Bothersome Facts
by DarkGoddess2002
Summary: A few things that bother me greatly.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter, the books, the movies but I don't own the idea wish I did though.

Harry and Voldemort ask some questions. A few things that have bothered me about our favourite book series.

A/N this had been bothering me since I read POA.

"Professor, can I ask you something?" Harry Potter asked.

Dumbledore smiled. "Of course, Harry." He said warmly.

"You put my mum and dad under the Fidelius charm right?"

"Yes."

"And they used Wormtail as their secret keeper, but told everyone that they were using Sirius. And they didn't use Sirius because he was too obvious and Voldemort would go after him, and they were worried that somehow Voldemort would be able to get it out of him, right?"

"Yes." A sad nod.

"Then why didn't they just make Sirius the secret keeper and then have Sirius move in with him so he was safe? Or even move Peter in there and then he'd never have the chance to betray them."

Dumbledore looked blank. "Er,"

Harry looked expectant.

"We all make mistakes." Dumbledore finally said.

Harry nodded, thinking that over. "Can I ask you something else sir?"

"No."

Harry ignored him. "After my parents died, why didn't you take me in?"

Dumbledore looked relieved. "Because of the protection your mother gave you is only with you when your with your aunt."

Harry waved that away. "But Voldemort was always scared of you plus he was just a ghost or something and all his followers were in prison, dead or thought he was dead. Besides just how powerful can he be? I mean he keeps getting his butt kicked by a little boy and his two friends. It's rather pathetic."

"Er,"

"And everyone says that Hogwarts is the safest place there is."

"Er,"

"And can I ask you something else?"

"Merlin's ghost, no."

Once again Harry completely ignored him. "Why did Voldemort kill my mum?"

Again the Headmaster was glad he finally had a question he could answer. "Because Voldemort was a bad man, and bad men do bad things."

Harry have him a slightly disturbed look at the way he was talking to him like he was five. "No, I mean I heard that night when the dementor gets to close. Voldemort tells her to move, tells her to get out of the way."

Dumbledore nodded sympathetically. "I know, but your mother wouldn't move so Voldemort killed her."

Harry shook his head. "But why didn't he just stun her?"

"What?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, why not just stun her, kill me and then wake her up, brag about how he killed me, and mosey on his way?"

(In a secret hideout not as far away as you might think a very pale man with red eyes closed his eyes, slapped his forehead and winced. "Why didn't _I_ think of that?")

"Harry?" The Headmaster finally said.

"Yes Professor?"

"Go to class."

A/N this is something that's been bugging me since I read GOF.

Voldemort was sitting in a throne looking moody. His Death Eaters were standing around looking worried because everyone knows that other than Harry Potter the only people who should be afraid of Voldemort are his followers.

"Snape!" Voldemort suddenly bellowed making everyone jump.

Snape who had been standing right next to the throne kissed Voldemort's robe (Obviously he's never heard of germs) "Yes my scary lord."

"What is the motto for Slytherin?"

"Something or another about cunning, your greatness." Snape said in a oily tone that matched his hair.

"And what dose cunning mean?"

Without pause Snape conjured a dictionary. He opened it with a flick of his wand because obviously it was to beneath him to actually _do_ anything like a muggle. When he got to the page he cleared his throat.

"1 : dexterous or crafty in the use of special resources (as skill or knowledge) or in attaining an end a cunning plot

2 : displaying keen insight a cunning observation

3 : characterized by wiliness and trickery cunning schemes

4 : prettily appealing : cute a cunning little kitten

synonyms see clever, sly." Snape quoted.

"I KNEW IT!" Voldemort bellowed

Everyone jumped, a few people even wet themselves.

"What do you know, great and scary Lord of all?" Snape said his voice dripping silk or was it oil? Who cares? He's a bad guy.

"If I am so filled with cute cunning little kitten- no wait I didn't mean Kitten I hate kittens, I drink kitten blood for breakfast! I am the king of evil Bwhahahaha." Voldemort stops his evil girlish laugh because he chokes. Once he's better he looks at Snape who is rethinking why he joined the creepy snake man. "What was I saying?"

"We were talking about cunning."

For a moment Voldemort looked blank before dawning came into his red eyes. "Right, tell me then if I am the heir of Slytherin shouldn't I be the personification of cunning."

Snape nodded.

"Then tell me, why would I put a great big mark on my followers that's so easy to see?"

Snape looked blank.

Voldemort stood. "I mean if I want the powerful ones to hide among the other side don't they need to be sneaky? And how can they be sneaky when in the middle of a hot summer day, they wear long sleeves? I mean isn't that a little conspicuous? Not to mention if you want to know who my followers are, all you have to do is ask them to roll their sleeves up and there's a great honking dark mark."

Snape blinked.

Voldemort looked expectant.

Snape opened his mouth.

Voldemort looked hopeful.

Snape closed his mouth.

He had nothing.

Voldemort frowned.

"Not so cunning now am I?"

"Like a cute little kitten?" Snape offered hesitantly.

"_Crucio!"_

A/N hehehehe, I liked writing that, and those are some things that bothered me for a while now. I said I was going to write something fluffy but I decided to write this instead. It's not filled with HHR goodness but it got me out of the angst. I was going for something stupid and silly and I think I got there. And the definition for 'Cunning' is from my dictionary on my computer.

Thanks for reading, and if you read, please review.

Below are some cute things I thought up for HHR shippers,

A adult H/HR shipper commandants

1 Thou shalt not pick a fight with five year old about who belongs with who. (No it doesn't matter if he/she insists that Ron and Hermione belong together, you will look like an idiot picking with someone half your size.)

2 Thou shalt not see a copy of HBP in a bookstore or library and scream obscenities.

3 Thou shalt not see a copy of HBP in a bookstore or library and set it on fire screaming BURN BABY BURN!

4 Thou shalt not pick a argument with significant other about your ship that nearly results in break-up, divorce, or homicide.

5 Thou shalt not write threatening letters to JKR.

6 Thou shalt not be sitting on the bus and randomly scream POWER TO THE PUMPKIN!

7 Thou shalt not go onto R/HR sites and write "Anyone who thinks Ron and Hermione should be together are poop heads."

8 Thou shalt not burn your own copy of HBP.

9 Thou shalt not try to cast the Imperius curse at JKR because it's not real and won't work.

10 Thou Shall, NEVER give up on our favourite ship. HHR belong together no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

Once again a huge thank you to SerpentClara; how could I do this without you? You turn my gibbrish into someone readable.

Oh yeah, don't own Harry Potter, don't rub it in.

(-)  
When McGonagall told Hermione she was a witch:

"So you see there is this wizard who totally had his ass kicked by a tiny baby boy but you have to be scared of him." McGonagall confessed to the new witch.

Hermione Jane Granger looked at the teacher with confusion. "But a name can't do anything to me," Hermione said.

McGonagall sighed. "Yes, it can. Despite the fact that even _I_ have said it and nothing bad happened to me, hellfire and brimstone will rain down upon any who dare to speak his name." She paused for a moment then amended, "Unless of course you're a powerful, crazy old loon with a sweets fetish, or the tiny baby boy. Then it's OK."

"But isn't this evil guy dead?"

"Well… everyone thinks so, but I don't."

"Why?"

"Because Professor Dumbledore told me so."

"So?"

"Dumbledore is the cleverest, most powerful wizard out there."

"Then why didn't he kill- wait, you never said what this wizard's name was."

"We call him You-Know-Who."

Hermione looked irritated. "That's _not_ a name."

"Well, it's what you have to call him."

"Why?"

"Because everyone else does."

Hermione smiled. "Well, I don't care what everyone else does. Now what's his _name_?"

McGonagall looked around the sitting room like she expected someone to jump out at her. Finally satisfied that there was only an exasperated eleven-year-old, she said, "Voldemort," before shuddering.

Hermione started laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

Hermione finally stopped laughing. "Because that's the stupidest name I've ever heard in my life!"

McGonagall gave her a strict, hawk-like look. "Young lady, you will not laugh! Voldemort is very powerful and evil!"

"More powerful than this Professor Dumbledore?"

McGonagall looked a little put out. "No."

Hermione blinked and stared at her soon-to-be- teacher. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. _She can't be that bright if she goes around calling guys You-Know-Who_. Afraid of a _name_?

"Back to my original point. why didn't Dumbledore kill Voldemort?" Hermione asked

"Because some loony old woman that's never been right before and whom no one takes seriously made a prophecy that tiny baby boy had to kill him."

"Mum!" Hermione shouted.

Dr Granger walked into the room. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"I don't want to go to Hogwarts anymore."

Dr Granger looked surprised. "Why's that, dear?"

"Wizards are a bunch of cowards."

"Hermione, that's not very nice," her mother admonished.

"They call a dead guy You-Know-Who, even though his name is Voldemort." She snorted. "Then the most powerful wizard out there leaves it to a tiny baby boy to kill this guy that everyone is so afraid of, all because some loony woman whom no one takes seriously made a prophecy."

Dr Granger looked shocked. "You still have to go – you need to learn to control your magic."

Hermione sighed. "Fine, but I'm not calling Voldemort –" Hermione snorted again, "– You-Know-Who."

"Yes, you are," McGonagall said.

"No I'm not," Hermione said.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Ha! I'm not falling for that!" Hermione crowed.

"Damn!"

"You don't have a choice," McGonagall maintained.

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

McGonagall whipped out her wand. "You will call You-Know-Who, You-Know-Who!"

Crossing her arms over chest, Hermione set her face in a mulish expression. "I will not!"

"Then I'm sorry, Miss Granger-"

"For wha-"

"_Imperio_," McGonagall incanted, then tucked the wand back into her robe pocket. "Now, Miss Granger, you will call Voldemort You-Know-Who."

Hermione nodded, her eyes blank. "Yes, ma'am."

McGonagall wiped the memory of Dr Granger and went on her way.

(-)

"I've met Miss Granger." McGonagall said, walking into Dumbledore's office.

"What is she like?"

McGonagall thought for a moment. "Like me."

"Oh dear."

McGonagall put her hands on her hips. "What's wrong with me?" she demanded.

Dumbledore smiled nervously. "Nothing. You are great, a wonderful woman, I know I like you – I let you boss me around." He looked around the office wildly when he saw that she wasn't going to forgive him that easily. "Do you want a pay increase?"

McGonagall thought a moment. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something."

"Oh boy."

"It's about the Fidelius charm."

"Go ahead."

"The person who is the Secret Keeper can go to the house, right?"

"As I was the Secret keeper for the Order Headquarters, then yes."

"Then why couldn't Lily or James be their own Secret keeper?"

Dumbledore blinked and had a strange feeling that he was going to be asked this same question again.

"I think a pay increase is in order for you."

"I don't want a pay increase, I want an answer to my question."

Fortunately for Dumbledore, he had a way to get around McGonagall. Reaching into a drawer, he pulled out a green ball and tossed it to her.

The moment McGonagall caught a whiff, she caught it and started to rub her cheek against it.

"Any other questions, Minerva?"

McGonagall shook her head and ran off to be alone with the ball.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Ah, I love catnip."

(-)

A/N: I know McGonagall and Dumbledore are OOC. That's the as close as I'll ever come to bashing McGonagall or Dumbledore- I love them both.

If anyone has something I might be able to use for a chapter let me know. But no HBP please, the whole darn book was one big Bothersom Fact.

Thanks for reading, please review.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Once again I'd like to thank my beta SerpentClara for all her help, without her well if you read my unbeta'ed work you understand.

This chapter of Bothersome Facts there is some HHR goodness.

I don't own Harry Potter.

---------------------------------------

**_Wizarding Heaven_**

Dumbledore, Lily and James were watching as Harry was married to his best friend, all of them smiling at how happy Harry looked beside his new bride.

Lily wiped a tear away from her eye. "I'm so glad that he finally realised what was right in front of him."

James wrapped an arm around her shoulders, hugging her tightly. "Not every guy is clever enough to know true love when he first sees it."

Lily smiled again. "Oh, James, you're so sweet," she gushed.

"_Oh James,_" a high falsetto voice said mockingly, "You're so pathetic."

James turned to glare at Sirius. "You have no sense of romance, Padfoot," he returned waspishly.

Sirius grinned and shoved the embracing couple aside so that he could peer into the pool that showed Harry and Hermione at their wedding ceremony.

"I knew they were made to be together. I could see it the first time I saw them."

Dumbledore beamed at his former students. "Yes, Harry and Hermione always had a bond that they could never share with anyone else."

"I worried about the boy going for that Weasley girl."

"Sirius, that's not very nice - there's nothing wrong with Ginny Weasley." Lily admonished.

"I'm not saying there is, Lily-flower. She's just not right for Harry."

Lily tried to look stern, but with a sigh, she relented. "You're right. I thought it was a little odd that he would pick his best friend's little sister. I mean, he is an honorary Weasley..."

"It was like he was dating his own sister!" James burst out.

Lily nodded absently. "Yes." She perked up, looking into the pool. "Oh, look, it's time to kiss the bride!"

They all fell silent when Harry kissed Hermione softly on the lips.

Lily burst into loud sobs. "Oh, my baby is married!" she wailed.

James exchanged a look with Sirius but wrapped his arms around his wife. "It's OK, Lily, Harry's happy."

"I know," Lily wailed. "I was just so afraid something would happen to him..."

Everyone was quiet for several moments before Sirius turned towards Dumbledore with a contemplative look on his face.

"Professor?"

Dumbledore looked up, still smiling, his blue eyes suspiciously moist. "Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Dumbledore's smile vanished. "Oh, bloody hell," he muttered.

Everyone turned to gape at him; even Lily stopped crying to stare.

"Did you just curse, Professor?" Lily gasped softly.

Dumbledore flushed a little. "Well- er- it's just that I've been asked questions before and it's never been good."

James smirked. "You mean when McGonagall asked why Lily or I couldn't have been our own Secret Keepers?"

Lily smiled. "Or when Harry asked why Voldemort didn't just stun me rather than kill me?"

"Or why Pettigrew or I didn't live in the house in Godric's Hollow?" Sirius piped in.

"That's easy: we would have killed each other after two days."

Lily nodded. "No, I would have killed the whole lot of you. It was bad enough to have to pick up after one child and my little Harry, let alone _two_ children and Harry."

"Hey!" Sirius and James protested together.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore was stealthily making his way away from his three former students, hoping he could put off being asked another question that would be impossible for him to answer. He thought he had made it when his name was called.

"Professor!"

"Damn," he muttered before making his way back to them. He managed a weak smile. "Yes?"

"Well, in the Department of Mysteries, when Voldemort possessed Harry … he was trying to get you to kill Harry, was he not?"

Dumbledore nodded slowly; he could tell that he wasn't going to like this one bit.

"Why didn't Voldemort just stop Harry's heart?"

Dumbledore gaped at Sirius, his mouth hanging open like a landed fish. "What?" he asked dumbly.

"Yeah, he was in Harry's body, but he most likely could have just shut down Harry's nervous system, stopped his heart, given him a stroke, burst blood vessels … hell, he could have jumped out of a window or something! Why did he wait for you to kill him?"

_**Wizarding hell**_

Voldemort banged his head against the rocky wall that made up the prison where he and his minions were being tortured for the rest of eternity.

"Blood hell, why didn't I think of these things?"

_**Wizarding Heaven**_

Dumbledore looked wildly around the comfortable room they were all in, trying to get out of answering the question. His eyes lit on the pool showing Harry and Hermione as they danced their first dance as husband and wife.

"Look!" He nearly shouted pointing at the pool. "They are doing something … interesting."

When Lily, James, and Sirius turned to look, Dumbledore hiked his robes up and ran from the room like a bat out of hell.

Lily was the first to see he was gone.

"Where did he go?" she asked.

James and Sirius shrugged.

"I think he's become even stranger after his death."

They all nodded before turning back to the pool to watch as Hermione winced discreetly when Harry trod on her foot.

"James?" Lily murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Why couldn't one of us be our own Secret Keeper?"

Fin

--------

Just a little side note SerpentClara brought up: The whole "Bat out of Hell" saying-- Why would the bat want OUT of hell if it's dark like bats like::Shakes head at self:: I have way too much time on my hands.


End file.
